JAV Museum

Western review: Piña Colada (2023, Wicked)

DVD cover of Piña Colada

Piña Colada is a 2023 film from studio Wicked and writer/director Eddie Nova.

John Simmons (Seth Gamble) and Amber Simmons (Theodora Day) arrive at the resort and are greeted by the host Julie (Lumi Ray) and bartender Isaac (Lucas Frost)

The film is about the diverse cast of characters who are staying at a beach resort in Venice, Florida. Very oddly, the first five minutes are basically an extremely abridged version of the film. It includes spoilers and cumshots, which makes me wonder if you even need to watch the actual film afterwards. It's such a bizarre decision.

Coffee, muffins and fruit

The production quality is haphazard. You have actors accidentally bumping into the camera, which can be rather shaky. There are fluffed lines, awkward pauses… sometimes you can barely hear the dialogue under the music. There's an assortment of what I assume are editing mistakes. The lighting will often change dramatically from one shot to the next.

Katie Radcliffe (Lexi Victoria) hangs out at the bar with bad boy Brodie Lane (Jay Romero)

The story isn't too bad, though. I liked the storyline where Jordan Stonewall (Charles Dera) is fed up with his wife Ivy (Queenie Sateen) so he goes on a website called Venice Beach Party (which is an actual WordPress blog they made) containing a poem from a mysterious woman going by the name Piña Colada with the bizarre line "I want someone to lick my brain". There's a bit of a mystery over who this woman is, who Jordan invites on a date. But perhaps more of a mystery is why Jordan puts sticky tape on his laptop monitor that conveniently covers up WordPress branding.

Laptop screen showing Venice Beach Party blog and masking tape covering parts of the screen

There's also a fun mystery about some jewellery that goes missing. Unfortunately, if you were watching the first five minutes, you're already told who the culprit is.

Katie looks alarmed when she realises her jewellery is gone

There's also a scene where bartender Isaac (Lucas Frost) gives pleasure-seeking Katie Radcliffe (Lexi Victoria) a sensual massage. He comes across as an experienced masseur, using all kinds of techniques. I imagine Lexi probably enjoyed filming this scene.

Isaac gives Katie a massage

All in all, despite its flaws, this film has some amusing moments. Maybe one to check out if you're a fan of any of the performers.

★★☆☆☆ 2/5